twenty-five more days alcohol-free and counting. i really do feel like i’m in rehab or something but maybe that’s because i keep talking about it. it’s funny, though, how in some ways people never change. instinctive behavior is always the same. when we’re kids and our parents, guardians, teachers, other authority types tell us that we can’t have something or that we can’t DO something, generally we want to do it. and more. the forbidden always piques curiosity. and in adulthood i don’t think we are much different. perhaps we are even worse. because as adults we are technically “free” to do what we want. so imposed restrictions, i think, can be even harder to bear. i think it is human nature to want most that which is unavailable, forbidden, restricted, at least a good part of the time. and so here i am craving a drink. and probably other things i shan’t mention here.

all in all i guess that toward the end of this past week, regular life more or less resumed for me. i still feel a little uncomfortable, but i am trying to ignore all that. last night was the first real rehearsal back with the band and with our new bandmate, andrew. it will be slow-going for a little while, as it always is when a new person enters the picture and has to learn preexisting stuff, etc. but we are dividing the time between rehearsing old songs/getting andrew up to speed and working on brand-new stuff that none of us have worked on before, so that’s totally fresh for everyone and puts us all on the same page. last night was a lot of fun and i think things are going to be cool. we’re hoping to start playing shows again for april. later than i’d hoped, but then again i never thought i’d be saying i just had sinus surgery after being sick for like six months, either. i have a ton of writing to finish and high hopes for this year. most important i think there’s a new level of comfort and honesty within the band that wasn’t really possible before our lineup change and perhaps a bit of refocusing. and i am thankful for that. am hoping to stretch out and do some more acousticky/lo-fi solo stuff this year, too. a lot of ideas swimming around in my head right now. some of them have to be good, that’s just how it always is.

i also start my level 3 improv class at the UCB this coming week and i am so excited to dig back into that and have some fun with it. at least four friends are in that class with me, and three of them are part of my regular soon-to-be-performing group, so this should be really cool after the brutality of 201 with a certain teacher that kicks everyone’s ass. i am psyched.

and weirdly, because i’m not really busy enough already, i am applying to get into the atlantic acting school’s part-time program that starts in february. i don’t know that i’ll make it in, but i am hoping. i think improv is making me more interested in acting. let’s face it, i am much more, uh, smoldering(?) than i am funny. haha. but in all seriousness, one can only help the other, which will somehow probably feed into and inform music, and writing. i feel like it’s all kind of one and the same thing. or, i am being unfocused and distracting myself and wasting time. but i don’t think so.

it’s insanely cold here in the east village. this blog was in fact inspired by my not wanting to go run an errand i need to run before i meet a friend for sober hangout time. ugh. is there really such a thing? does there really have to be? just kidding.

gonna bundle up and run that errand now. to all the people in LA, puerto rico, africa, australia, and wherever else it’s warm: you suck!