I write this from an undisclosed location. After feeling stressed out of my mind for the past few months I decided to get away for a bit and clear my head as they say. I nearly brought the kitchen sink with me, but I am glad I didn’t. Yes, I left the computer at home. I am writing this with a pen, in a book that a certain someone gave me what seems like ages ago. It fascinates me that at home I sleep restlessly even with help of a pill now and again, and booze, yet when I get away I can sleep like the dead in a strange/unfamiliar, uncluttered room. I slept for twelve uninterrupted hours last night, and I needed it. I feel rejuvenated and inspired today. It fascinates me how I’ll do things I don’t normally do when I am away from home. I ate fish and chips last night. Something I don’t think I’ve ever ordered in my life. I am smoking American Spirits as I write this (well, just one), though I shouldn’t be smoking at all. Where I am it is quaint and unadorned, and that works just fine for me.
It has been a whirlwind lately, I feel, with the band regrouping/recuperating after parting with our guitarist/keyboard guy, with my technological life in upheaval, with trying to wrap up the affairs of my dead relatives, with trying to manage and not destroy various relationships—my expectations of them and what they ask of me. And trying to make a living, etc., etc. Our worlds become so small as we come into them. It is the thing about life that I can never be comfy with—how quick we are to define ourselves and what we do to the point that all the other possibilities and variations fall away and become unavailable to us. Some people recognize this effect as a product of living in a city like NY, but I see it more as a byproduct of adulthood in general. It is a challenge to maintain one’s free spirit and see past what’s right in front of us as we develop our lives, careers. And maybe it is not in every heart to wander. But it is very much in mine. I have never been able to not feel that ache, the pull of something other, more, different. I never want to let go that sense that there is always more out there to see, that I am constantly growing and changing. There are some who would see this as a sign of immaturity. But if being “mature” means willingly ignoring the infinite expanse that lies outside our increasingly narrow existences then I never want to grow up. So there.
Anyway, things feel ok after some rest. TDoJB has already recorded what could be a killer four-song EP and I am excited at the reactions we’ve gotten to the music we have played for people lately. After some flailing about, our duo/stripped-down thing has finally found shape and direction. And after the chaos of parting with a band member it seems like some promising new candidates are entering the picture. We are getting back on the horse and booking some shows again. I am keeping my fingers crossed that things are going to come together in the next few months in a way that trumps everything that came before.
Along with this new chapter is a wealth of new music that it’s in my hands to finish. Part of why I took some days away was to refocus my energy on that. So I should get back to it. Will write more later.

i’m really thinking about this whole blogging business a lot lately. here’s the thing. i just don’t know what this blog should be. in some ways it feels incredibly dishonest. as someone who is trying to elevate his artistic career, there are a great many opinions i have that will go unshared, a great many words that will go unsaid. and i have to acknowledge, along with that, that i don’t NEED to blog. i am not wanting for means of self-expression. i write songs. i have kept a journal for probably half my life or more. i wrote fiction at a point, and i will write more of it. and i can barely keep up with all of those ideas, those that are honest, genuine nuggets of who i am. this is not my chosen/preferred method of getting it all out there. so what is it? do i have a blog because i’m supposed to, because everyone else does? do i have it to connect with fans of the music i make and to attract new ones with my witticisms and wry observations and clumsy stories? half the time i just want to write movie reviews in here. sometimes i would use it to publish some lyrics in progress. sometimes i could write surreal open letters to people who are dead or otherwise no longer in my life. or even to people who are in my life–how creepy would that be? but really, now. i wish you’d help me take a direction with this thing. because i think part of the reason i’m not workin’ it is because i don’t know what “it” is, so it’s more of a chore than an inspiration to put something down here. yes, part of it is a function of time. but really, how long has this taken me? ten minutes? i don’t know for sure, haven’t been keeping time. but let’s say ten minutes. and this is the most inspiring blog entry i have ever written, for me personally. so tell me, what is the direction? who is reading this, and what do you want to know? is it a place for women i’ve dated to check up on me? is it a place where creepy TDoJB fans come to get some strange fix? do my bandmates read it to make sure i’m not totally losing my shit? seriously, who are you and what do you want to know? i will pen it if you will tell me. just curious if anyone’s listening out there, and what you’re looking to hear. blogging is fucking weird, friends.

my question to you is a genuine one. if you want to weigh in, email me. jason.tdojb (at) gmail (dot) com. i’d love to hear your thoughts. and if not i’ll just keep wrestling with it, i guess.

so now that i have finally seen the movie i realize it is owen wilson in it and not luke. i don’t recall why i thought it was luke, but i guess it makes the UK reporter who got the cast wrong slightly less braindead than i thought he was. i liked the movie, yes. it was your typical wes anderson collection of bratty adults with somewhat lousy/irresponsible parents struggling with adult responsibilities and milestones and coming to grips with who they are and where they come from. if i can be so general about his films. but i like his films and i don’t think it’s a bad thing that i feel like they are relatable and that i can understand in a concise way what they are about. many filmmakers i love tell the same story over and over again in different ways, folding it this way and that, turning it inside out, etc. i just bought Blue Velvet on DVD and i haven’t watched david lynch in a while, but he’s a similar sort of auteur. and i love my david lynch. Darjeeling Limited wasn’t as good as Rushmore or The Royal Tenenbaums but they can’t all be masterworks. still a fan. maybe there just wasn’t enough bill murray in this one. or maybe it was too much of a sausagefest compared to his other works. but still, worth checking out.

yup, that’s me. life does get in the way. but i am alive and well and at least thinking about blogging. so much to share. soon.

you should listen to the band Stars if you haven’t yet. i am falling in love with them a little bit.