one of my favorite drummers ever. wish i had been around to see the jimi hendrix experience live. very sad. they say he died of natural causes at 61, after just finishing the recent experience hendrix tour (weird?!).

another one of the greats heads off into the ether.

and i wonder. in like fifty years, when beyonce or britney or justin passes on, will the feelings be the same? will memory work in the same way? will those figures carry the same weight and meaning?

this is a short short entry for a big and complex idea. maybe i’ll get into it further down the road. but not now. other things are calling me.

see ya, mitch. you were amazing.

obama wins, and so do i, i think. such a relief. 

i realize that this never could have happened if not for mr. bush and his eight bumbling years. and for that, in some way i guess i am thankful. if not for him, this country would never have gotten to this point. obama would have been a longshot, if just as good a candidate. 

let’s hope that all this talk of change is for real. certainly obama seems like the real deal, and an atypical politician. and that’s what we need right now to restore our faith in government, and our standing in the eyes of governments across the globe. i guess we’ll see what he can do and how it all goes over. it could also be a dangerous time. but it already was. 

why is country music like the “official” music of politics? i have to protest. what kind of a message is that putting out there? but it seems rampant. 

anyway. i’m out. victory is tasting pretty sweet. 

well, i’ve still not been cut open. i’ve had this off/on hacking cough for like two and a half weeks, complete with nasty green stuff coming up. which is weird all by itself. and seemingly not very tonsil related. i think i have been sick in some way for over a month now, actually. crazy. so i show up at the hospital yesterday at the appointed time and they basically decided to send me home because of this crazy cough. so after all the prep and worrying i get to worry about it for another month. at least thanksgiving won’t be at all difficult. so yeah, december 1 now. i get to stress about it all over again. anyway, the tonsil diaries are going to have to be postponed. i know you’re all dying to read them. but my usual meanderings will have to suffice for the next few weeks or so. 

i don’t want to speak too soon. but i think obama is actually going to win the day today. and i really hope i am not wrong. i voted last friday because i expected to be out of it and in pain today. it’s really scary to think of all those red states, all those silly red people. i suppose that these are everyday american values. ones that i do not share in any way. for me this should all be a landslide. but i forget that what i consider to be common sense many in this country would perceive as bleeding-heart liberalism, socialism, anarchism even. i forget that i am this liberal new yorker who’s been educated and pushed enough to ask questions, always. and i sometimes wish that i could relate in some way, any way at all, to these strangers in mississippi or wherever, just so i could understand how they arrive at their points of view. but i don’t get it. they feel very far away. as i’m sure i seem to them. 

i have a lot more to say about all this. but i’m going to sign off for right now.

so yeah. it’s looking very much like on monday i will begin the tonsillectomy papers. that is to say that i probably am having the tonsils yanked on monday and if i am in condition to do so i’m going to see if i can do a daily blog detailing my recovery in all its ugly painfulness. because really, what the hell else am i going to be able to do during that time? how many movies can i watch? (well, probably a lot.) how much ice can i suck on? i’d love to OD on pain meds and sleep until i’m healed, but, well, they tell me that this is dangerous. in fact i have read that it’s better if you don’t sleep much, because you can stay more hydrated and stay on top of taking the painkillers, which makes the healing and hurting move that much quicker. i have to say, i am freaked. also totally annoyed because they’re telling me i can’t drink alcohol for FOUR days before surgery. and you know what day tomorrow is. i was kind of hoping to spend this weekend going up in gluttonous flames, eating filet mignons and lobsters and raw tuna and huge blocks of cheese and everything else, downing bottles of wine and tequila, snorting piles of cocaine, smoking cigarettes and weed, fucking anyone and anything that turns me on. because come monday i’m going to be in a world of pain, banished to inactivity, popsicles, and BOREDOM for days. and no real food whatsoever. i’ll probably lose like 10 pounds. which i’m ok with. but yeah, no booze. no comfort in food while i am recovering. and they say that your taste buds get all wacked out for a while after the surgery. so it should be a wild adventure. still, i think it’s probably the right thing to do. even if no one can say for sure. for a science, medicine seems increasingly inexact to me. and i do have a problem with this. but i have more of a problem with getting sick all the time, having sore throats, being on antibiotics, and not being able to sing. so fuck it. it’s on. 

this whole election thing really makes me go limp on being an american. not that i ever had a huge patriotic hardon. i was talking to a friend earlier about this. it really is like, if you vote for mccain/palin, you’re basically a moron. so are you a moron, or are you not? and think of all the morons there have to be out there for this to be a remotely close race. the depth of how fucked up our system is is unfathomable. the amount of money being pissed away on such a needless contest while our economy is in tatters is astounding to me. yeah, they’re politicians. so in many ways it’s a lesser-of-two-evils situation. but obama is so clearly the better man. cool and collected. eloquent. PRESIDENTIAL, as my friend called him. and with an equally presidential VP, i would argue. and on the other side is this raging skeletor who will do anything to get into power, who seems sadly out of touch, who is taking part in the ugliest campaign i think i’ve seen in my lifetime. and hey, even i think sarah palin is kinda sexy in a MILFish sort of way. but it makes more sense to see her at scores or something than in the oval office. i recently ran into someone who said he’d been to wasilla and that palin had brought in all the big-box stores, the walmart, all that shit. i guess that’s ok for creating shitty jobs that exploit people but i don’t know that this country needs more of that. anyway. morons. they’re the ones that let bush squeak through. if mccain is elected i may defect. not kidding. enough is enough already. 

speaking of the lousy economy: it does trickle into everything. TDoJB was supposed to be playing at rehab a week from tomorrow. but it turns out the club is closing on 11/1. the owners took a bath in the market and are liquidating assets. and so it goes. death of another decent music venue in manhattan. is the death of manhattan itself soon to come? if so, i hope to be on a plane watching it burn from on high. i guess i am not as attached as i used to be. though maybe the death has already happened, and i’m living in it and don’t even realize it. all of us blind to our own sad demise. 

anyway, it seems like TDoJB will be back stronger in the new year. we’ll spend this downtime developing these new tunes and working on the backlog of administrative stuff that’s on the plate right now, including a website change, new art stuff, and other business. i am looking forward to playing again, and to getting my one-man thing off the ground, too. which means playing more. which makes me happy. and hopefully not only me. 

my improv class show last sunday was meh. i was kinda bummed for a bit afterward, but i think i’m over it now. i think it’ll get better for me. after all, i’ve been doing this for less than six months. i can’t expect mastery, or consistency, or anything like that. especially with something that doesn’t come easy for me. i’ve been so busy being serious these past years that i am still finding my comic persona. and it’s not going to be the same as the death of jason brody persona. ’cause he’s definitely not that funny. i don’t know where this all leads. but i think the path is positive. so yeah, i’m upping the practice sessions. especially while i can’t get into the 301 class. 

and songs, songs, songs. they are close, but there are times i want to start all over again. these past few months have really thrown me for a loop writing-wise. there are times when i don’t want to look at the words i’ve already written. where i feel like everything is so scripted and i have to get away from it and try something fresher. how many ways can we all say the same things, i wonder. but it’s not what we are saying that is special. what makes it special is the specialness of the person saying it. and hopefully my instincts are good and what i have say resonates in a special way. and still, the music is sounding really good. 

more soon. 

can we move it up, please? i am so sick of seeing/hearing about sarah palin. i just want her to go away already. it’s enough. played. therefore the mccain ticket shall lose. 

it hasn’t been the most eventful period since the last time i wrote anything, but here i am. 

one observation that goes without saying: it has, as it always does in ny around october, gotten cold as fuck in an instant. and again i am reminded of the way that i really don’t enjoy the winter months all that much. and that i would be better off as a bicoastal guy. but there is time for that, i suppose. but yeah, cold. and i can’t help but notice the way that my whole body reacts to the change in temperature and the heat coming on in my apartment. there is definitely a weird adjustment period. the accidentally wearing weather-inappropriate clothes. the way the skin seems to dry out and have that creepycrawly feeling for a few days before it gets used to the weather. bloody morning noseblows. and then, at least for me, some equilibrium is reached where the body seems to accept its surroundings and is better able to deal with them. very strange. 

what else? well, my faith in the medical system, and even the natural one, is dying a slow, bitter death. i feel as though i have been sick off and on since the end of june. and in fact i have been. and apparently, according to all tests and doctors i am healthy as an ox. so it seems that we have zeroed in on my throat, and that i am going to have a tonsillectomy. no, i am not looking forward to this, but it could seriously eliminate all these random bugs that i seem to pick up, all of which begin in my throat. i am going to do some kind of blog journal/diary to commemorate the surgery in all its disgustingness, because what the hell else am i going to do all hopped up on painkillers and confined to my apartment for at least a week if not two? fun fun. maybe i’ll even post disgusting photos to go along with it. 

The Death of Jason Brody is shaking off some rust. if i don’t jump into this surgery thing soon we are in fact supposed to play a show on friday, 11/7, at rehab. i don’t want to bail on the show at all but there has been some urging from the docs to do it on the 3rd if i want to keep my flight down to florida to see mom for thanksgiving. but yeah, either way we are shaking off the rust and it’s good to be working on stuff again. not sure that new songs will be ready for this show, but definitely in the new year, and we plan to come back strong. 

improv continues to be an insane and wonderful experience. my level 2 class at the UCB is over, and we have our class show this weekend. i’m not nervous now, but i will be. the last class was a rough one. i feel like i have gotten progressively foggier and less funny as 201 has gone on. i can’t tell if it’s the fact that i am overthinking every little thing now or if it’s the fact that i haven’t been feeling good and am preoccupied with all the sick stuff and not on top of my game. or maybe i had my fleeting bout with feeling like i was really doing well with it and getting good reactions and now that i have learned a little more and worked a little harder i’m just awful. but i am thinking this is something i need to work through, some kind of shell that has formed around me that i need to crack. so yeah, practice, practice, practice. no 301 until the new year, so practice is what i’ll be doing. at some point i will break through this fog and feel spontaneous again. but lately, man, i am a piece of wood up there. a cipher. i got nothing. and then a scene’s over and i think of all the funny ideas and lines that would have helped make it good. oh my poor scene partners. argh. anyway, this, too, shall pass. 

well, that was plenty for a reluctant entry. signing off. 

the last mosquito of the season is living in the east village abode of yours truly. what did i do to deserve this, you ask? perhaps too many dishes too long undone? i don’t know. been keeping it all pretty clean of late. but this fucker will not leave me alone. he waits until it’s dark and i can’t see him coming. then he hones in on whatever flesh is not covered by my blanket and stealths his way to a bloody feast. and next thing i know i’m up, itching. and itching. he really likes fingers and knuckles, the bastard. those are especially hard to itch. and somehow, even after gorging repeatedly on my blood he is still fleet enough to evade any groggy attempts i make to shut him down. usually i can catch a bug, believe me. but this guy is quick, and fierce. i hope he eats too much and pops, the bastard. 

wow. that was gross, huh? but seriously. it’s all true. 

i am still and as ever addicted to the band stars. it’s one of those “where have you been all my life” kind of feelings, the feeling i get listening to them. like the first time i heard jeff buckley, or joe henry, and some others. they are, i’ve decided, the perfect musical food. they have everything, every nutrient. every sound. and such a way with melody. and melancholy. and somehow in all its earnestness it is never cloying or cheesy. i may have said this before, but i’m ok to repeat myself. i love them. there. said it again. the newest my morning jacket doesn’t suck, either. though i must admit i’m slightly disappointed by that gutter twins album. 

what else? in a nutshell: insomnia. possible tonsil surgery. TDoJB show coming up. lots of improv activities. watching the economy, and the election nonsense. thinking more and more about writing again–like for real, not just a blog once a week or whatever. neglecting such important activities as online social networking, website updating, and the like. eating a lot of fish and very little meat. trying to finish new songs and figure out what to do with the old ones. and the search for new bandmates, or at least a new fourth member, continues…. all fascinating, i know. next time i’ll have more energy to get into it. it has been a long day running on little sleep. lata. 

i haven’t said much, and maybe nothing, on here yet about the fact that since the summertime i have been dabbling in improv comedy, studying at the esteemed upright citizens brigade theatre. it’s not because i have nothing to say or because i want to keep it a secret or something. i mean, i don’t blog all that much anyway. but beyond that i think i am just so much in the process of discovering what this weird new creative outlet is all about and what it means for me that i am at a loss for words, at least ones i’d commit to the internet or to paper or whatever. 

i feel like i am a low-ranking member of a spiritual cult. i feel like i am a freshman in high school all over again. i don’t care about being funny, but i want to be funny. i find paradox after paradox as i am making my way through this thing and figuring it out. and most importantly, i am in love with it in a way i never thought i would be. i have always been fascinated with improv in some way. i had seen it done badly before, and didn’t quite get it. but i had also heard about it being done well, and being a beautiful and cathartic thing. TDoJB was going through its ups and downs and i decided that it would be a good time to test the waters. that began in may, i believe, the water testing. i figured at the very least it would help me as a performer in some way, add some new facet to what i am as a singer and a frontperson in a band. the idea that i would likely be doing more solo shows in the near future also helped inspire me to check this out.

now it’s several months later and i find myself doing more and more, digging into it. this week, for example, i have like four or five improv-related activities (classes included) that i am participating in. i’m only at level 2 at the UCBT and it’s fucking hard. but the love is still there, and of course, being something of a perfectionist, i am now hungry to master (or at least be good at) this new thing that i love. i have to admit that there are times when i look forward to improv stuff more than i do music-related stuff. i have been to decidedly more improv shows lately than music shows. sometimes i wonder what’s happening to me. it is fascinating and a little unnerving. maybe because it’s so new. maybe because it is inherently a group effort, and i get tired of running things on the music end sometimes. maybe because it’s funny, and this is a time in our world where laughter is needed, and my music tends to be on the downer side of rock n roll. maybe it’s because it’s as spontaneous and naked as it gets–no rehearsing what you’re going to do, no hiding behind an instrument, a wall of sound, an image/persona, etc. i don’t know and i don’t really care. i have learned not to question too deeply when you feel genuine enthusiasm and interest for something, someone, whatever. we are all so conditioned to wonder what’s wrong with the picture, when maybe it is perfectly right as is. i am leaving it alone and continuing onward. and i feel great about that, whatever comes. 

TDoJB is still in transition. i have experienced what i would call a musical growth spurt that i am trying to catch up to now. as though my subconscious somehow “went there” before me, and i’ve been spitting out all these pieces that i have to now make sense of. there are some really cool songs on the table, some big and brash, some much softer, more like my solo record. i am also nursing a one-man show. it is like a baby struggling to take its first steps. it is not a solo acoustic-type deal. it is a lot of work, but i am getting there. by the new year, expect to see this thing live. expect a new TDoJB, and some new music. expect a new record in 2009. i think these are all wonderful things to look forward to. 

show-wise it has been quiet. partly because i am more focused on writing and building this new solo thing than i am on playing out that much right now. and i am ok with that. i think we got so into playing and promoting shows and working the angles that at a certain point i thought about that more than the music, which is where the most enjoyment and fulfillment comes from. so i/we have switched roles for a bit. plus, i may need to have tonsil surgery, which kind of compromises bookings. so i am trying to figure out when i would do that, then figure recovery time, and that’ll show us where we need to go. 

all is bouncing along and it’s exciting to forge ahead. more soon. 

SOMETIME IN AUGUST 2008: 

i am in a cab on my way home from somewhere, in a hurry as usual. after obtaining my destination the driver totally ignores me and continues on with his phone conversation. loudly. the driver is screaming on his cell phone with the earpiece in. the radio is on and the tv in the backseat is on. and i am thinking that a taxi in nyc on a weekday afternoon is perhaps one of the most inhospitable, anxiety-enhancing places in the whole world. it’s not just all the noise–from the whiny, molasses-slow traffic to the driver to the bad music and silly taxi-tv broadcast–but the idea that this is the norm, the usual (but wasn’t always so), that’s eating through my nerves like the scraping of silverware across a plate. it’s the idea that i never asked for any of this but that someone deemed it necessary enough to implement this system on the whole city. i would be perfectly happy–no, much happier–without the stupid tv (do we really need to watch it all the time? don’t we have smartphones and pdas for the important in-transit stuff?), with a cabbie who actually acknowledged that he is providing a service instead of being a rude asshole with no regard for the passenger (i’m not asking for a touchy-feely “how’s your day going?” conversation, just some recognition that someone else is in the car, who’s paying you to drive them somewhere. you know, like “does the radio bother you?” “am i talking too loud?”), especially considering the astronomical cab fares these days. but maybe people just don’t give a shit. not on a meaningful, human level anyway.  

of course, the ultimate mindfuck is that on this particular day i only watch in fascination, don’t say anything. usually i speak up, i do. but today i just sit here taking it all in. wondering how many of us just sit here taking it all in. so lame. 

so i’m taking it all in in this horrible cab and i feel like i am going insane. it is so not peaceful in here right now. it’s fucking insane. do you hear that? i wish you could, it’s unbelievable. perhaps some of you have, and know what i am talking about.

i am pretty far from having too many hippie-ish tendencies. but that said, i don’t know that the desire to not be on pins and needles–or for a little peace and quiet, if you can fathom that–during every mundane waking moment is so out of line. sometimes i just have to wonder how we came to this. and where this ride is taking us. i think we’re entitled to a bit of a refund on the fare, whatever it’s going to amount to, for all those “extras” we never asked for or wanted, yeah?  

not sure what the end point is here. perhaps that we all need to speak up for the right not to be frazzled any more than is absolutely necessary. or perhaps just that some things have gone way too far. i think both statements are true. i will leave it at that. 

maybe i’m just a green blogger. but i am getting hundreds of comments posted on here that are essentially just keyword-smattered spam. to the point where should i ever encounter a genuine comment from a genuine human being i might literally have a coronary infarction the shock would be so intense.

is nothing sacred? certainly not in cyberspace.

don’t mean to turn this thing into a rant. apologies. if you have any advice on this blog spam phenomenon, let me know.